There’s a Lot on My Mind

Lately, I know I have had a few too many downer posts, but today is going to continue the trend. I am having one of those days. The kind where you just want to stay in bed, and sleep so you don’t have to think or worry. I woke up feeling like physical garbage. Thankfully that has gotten better. I’m chalking it up to the glass of milk before bed, since having kids, I can’t drink milk like I used to. I guess I’ve become somewhat lactose intolerant. I am grateful that the Hubby was willing to brew his own coffee and make his own lunch, and let me go back to bed. The Darling Girls were also wonderful enough to take care of the dogs for me, and allow me to get some extra sleep. Now that I’m up, my emotions are all over the place. For a multitude of reasons. First, we had a death in the family yesterday. A great-aunt who has been battling cancer went to sleep in Jesus. We weren’t super close, but we’d gotten to know each other better through the magic that is Facebook. I have spent the better part of a month praying for God’s will in the situation, never expecting such a swift answer. I now pray for her children, grandchildren and husband, who is fighting his own battle with a different form of cancer.

The Hubby and I have been discussing (and praying about) my coming out of retirement, and looking for something part-time. The girls are big enough now, that it would be easier for me to work. We think the answer we’ve gotten is that I should, but not until after the girls go back to school.

Another thing that’s been on my mind is our household budget. I don’t understand why it is so hard sometimes to get that all sorted out. Of course, the surprise need of 2 extra tires two weeks ago threw a monkey wrench into our normal routine. (Yes, I know, I know, we wouldn’t have this problem if we had an emergency fund. That doesn’t make it easier to set money aside on one income, especially when neither of the adults in the family are necessarily the best at handling money.)  In addition to that, I discovered that Pally has to have a physical and dental exam to register for 6th grade. I thought is was for 7th, so I haven’t been planning for it. So that’s two more thing I’ve been praying about, and working and reworking the numbers as well as wracking my feeble mind about how to make it all work. I sometimes hate being a grown up. I also sometimes hate being responsible. (And feeling like I am often the only responsible one. Terrible, I know. Feelings aren’t always justified. I think the Hubby going to work everyday, working 12-14 hours sometimes, so I can be home with the kids, is pretty darn responsible.)

I know God has a plan for us, in all things, but it’s so hard to be the one here making the earthly decisions, not knowing if they are the ones God intends for us to make. How do we know we are making the right decisions, the God led decisions, or that we are acting too soon, doing what we think we are supposed to do, instead of what God wants, the right decision. For now, I guess I am left with prayer, faith, and planning.  And the urge to take to my bed and pretend I’m one of these guys:

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