I have so much on my mind, it’s all a jumble. So much I am worried and stressing about. So much I’m mulling over. I want to have a big ol’ freak out, but I don’t have the luxury of just losing it. My Facebook status this morning was about the urge to crawl back into bed and wanting to pull the covers up and pretend the world didn’t exist. I don’t have that feeling so much any more, but it is strong today. I know part of it is that I don’t deal well with change and uncertainty, and there are a lot of things that are up in the air. Honestly, as unrealistic as it is, I’d love to not have to make any big decisions, just be informed once things are decided. Is that just me trying to avoid responsibility? Maybe. Could I use a handball sized Xanax? Uh-huh. Do I wonder why life always seems so crazy? You betcha!
One of the things running around and around in my mind is whether or not to go back to work part-time. The Hubby and I have discussed it, on and off. We never really seem to come to a conclusion.
I’ll be honest, I don’t really want to go back to work. I LOVE being a stay at home mom. I feel like the Hubby doesn’t want me to either. He keeps saying he wants me to work less than 30 min. from home. Okay, so, we live in the boonies, and there are very limited choices for that. I don’t just want to get any old job. I would like to have a part-time “career” if I’m going back to work. I don’t really want to work at the grocery store, the gas station, or in fast food. (Not saying it’s beneath me, but I do have job skills that could be put to use doing something else.) I know that part of the reason I don’t want to go back to work is my last job experience (here in IL). It ended up being horrible, with a horrible boss. That, and everything is compared to the job I had before we moved to Illinois. It was the perfect job. I know that I really shouldn’t compare jobs/employers like that, but dog-gone I had a wonderful job situation. I miss it. I would go back to work without batting an eyelash, if I could go back there. It makes it hard.
We don’t need the money that a part-time job would provide, but who couldn’t use a little extra play in your budget? I think that’s part of what is making the decision difficult.
I am trying to remember that life is just a series of ups and downs and without them life wouldn’t exist. That’s my new mantra…Life is a roller coaster. Going through the ups and downs just means you are alive.